So I have recently had to deal with hormones again. I was on birth control, but when we hit the deer, I lost it. That being said, to begin a new pack I have to wait until my next period. When I am on my period, I am the single most hormonal person. I get terrible cramps and mood swings that could kill. One minute I could be really happy, then someone says something that rubs me the wrong way and suddenly I'm pissed off, then someone says something mean and I'm suddenly crying. It's the most ridiculous thing. Birth control actually really helps with this. Since I am struggling with a period and being hormonal again, I figured I would create a list of Dos and Donts for all the boys out there. These really are kind of specific to girls like me, but who knows. It could be useful across the board.
1. Do NOT discuss other girls. I don't care if Sheila got the promotion or if this girl looks like Jennifer Lawrence. And no, I probably don't think she's hot and you shouldn't either. And if you do, don't fucking comment on it. OR why don't you go date her if she's so hot? You're making me feel insecure, and it's kind of pissing me off.
2. Do NOT ask me why I am acting crazy or if I am okay. The answer is no. There is blood and uterine lining escaping my body via my vagina. Plus those really fun cramps? Yeah, those are uterine contractions shedding the lining like it would a baby. It's painful. No I am not okay.
3. Do NOT make fun of me. I know, it is your way of dealing with things. But do not make fun of the way I waddle when I have cramps. I will take it personally and probably cry and definitely not talk to you for several hours, even if your house is on fire.
4. Do NOT be offended by me. Between how crazy I already feel and how much is going through my mind, I probably haven't taken the time to think about anyone else. My period can make me very selfish, seeing as I am focusing on the pain of my cramps instead of how my last statement sounded. If I am acting like a heinous bitch, please just tell me.
5. Do NOT be alarmed or laugh if I cry. Between physical pain and whatever else is going on, I walk around 90% of my period time ready to cry. I couldn't pick a pain reliever and cried on the floor of Walgreens. I stopped walking and cried on the benches because I thought of the possibility of us breaking up. I just cry a lot.
6. Do NOT touch my belly or any part of me that is fat for that matter. I am bloating and feeling fat. Stop with yourself, unless you want me to cry some more.
7. Do NOT spend all your time ignoring me. I need some idea that you still like me even when I am ugly, breaking out, bloated, and emotional. Ignoring me to hang out with the boys while I am in some strange, fragile, broken emotional state will make me overthink a lot of things. When I overthink a lot of things, I come to the conclusion that you just don't like me. I will then again proceed to cry.
8. Do NOT forget that I still love you. I may not be the most affectionate person on my period and sometimes I might lash out. However, this does not change the fact that I find you to be the greatest guy around.
9. Do NOT forget that I am acting this way because I am literally losing a chunk of my uterus. That is uterine lining swollen with blood. Women got the shaft in this whole reproduction thing.
10. Do NOT feel the need to appease me if you truly don't want to. Women know when you feel coerced into doing something. It' s not worth your effort because you might face more hell than you intended to meet.
11. Do talk to me. There's a good chance that I want desperately to talk to you but don't want to piss you off or annoy you. Sometimes I just want to talk to the person that means the most to me.
12. Do hold and hug me. You don't understand how much this matters. Hugs are the most comforting things. I need comfort when I am in pain.
13. Do reassure me. Like I said, I get insecure on my period, you would too. Sometimes I need to know that you don't think I'm Stalin's child with all my body hair or that I am the most repulsing woman and that you still like me. Plus I won't be feeling like a 10, I'll be feeling like a -100. You're the only person whose opinion matters to me at the moment.
14. Do watch tv with me. Sometimes I just need someone to sit down and watch Supernatural with. I won't make you watch Say Yes to the Dress, even though I've been on Pinterest all day while watching The Notebook with the girls while crying into my pint of Phish Food ice cream.
15. Do accept the way I eat. I eat like a fucking yeti, I'm sorry I out-ate you, but it's just life.
16. Do get me a pillow and some water. My cramps will make me want to break a lamp. Giving me a pillow saves your hand from the squeeze. Plus who doesn't love water.
17. Do remember that I can get my own stuff and I'm self-sufficient, but I do appreciate gifts. By gifts I mean Midol, a heating pad, and ice cream.
18. Do remember that I want to help you. Even if I feel like shit, I want you to be happy and I want to help you out.
19. Do remember I will be sappy this week. I want to see people get married and have babies and I want to cry good tears. I'll try to save this part for the girls.
20. Do tell me what I mean to you. You'll make my heart happy. Unless you think I'm a worthless piece of shit, in which case, wait until next week.
21. Do realize that if I actually ask for alone time, that I need alone time. Sometimes I want to cry by myself. Or sometimes I need a nap. This alone period of time will be over quickly, to be honest.
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