Hide and Seek

I have lost myself.

I thought I was hiding in my boyfriend's room. However, when I looked she wasn't there.

I thought I was hiding at the bottom of a cup of tea. However, I wasn't there either.

I thought I was hiding at the local coffee shop. However, all I found was hipsters.

I thought I was hiding in the library. However, all I found were sad teenagers.

I thought I was hiding in my room, under a pile of essays. However, the essays held no truth.

I thought I was hiding on the couch. However, all that was there was a pile of crumbs.

I thought I was hiding under my desk. However, all I found was trash.

I thought that I could find myself in places. However, I can only find myself in people.

I am in my mother, who nurtured and raised me to be who I am today, and taught me how to forgive.

I am in my father, who protects me even though he is miles away.

I am in my Mimi, who taught me how to be a lady and caretaker.

I am in my Papa, who taught me how to be strong, even though I sometimes forget.

I am in my little brother, who teaches me how to have patience.

I am in my dog, who teaches me just what it is like to share a bed with a larger entity.

I am in Kelsey, who has been my guide through many of my struggles.

I am in Jasmine, who reflects who I am by being similar to me.

I am in my stepdad, who has taught me what is it like to grow up and be an adult.

I am in my stepmom, who has taught me how to let go. 

I am in Sam, who works with me and has taught me what it is like to love someone non-platonically.

I am in myself. In spite of all of my searching, I know I am in myself. Somewhere, being repressed by my years of insecurity, waiting to come forth and expose myself. I have not quite found myself on the full scale level; however, I believe that it is possible. I might even turn to God for help on this one, instead of letting my arrogance show and denying His help.