To the Boy I Just Said "I Love You" to... Here's my side

I have to admit, that's not the way I intended it to come out. When you jokingly said "why do you hate me?" I didn't mean to respond with "I don't hate you, I love you."

At least, that's not what I wanted the first time saying the words to be. And I didn't want them to sound so insincere, because, frankly, I do love you.

I wanted to tell you that I love you in some grand gesture sort of way, or at the right time, or even in response to you saying it first.

I have wanted to tell you for the past month.

I am sorry that I didn't put it out there in the appropriate way.

Before you have a chance to say that I don't mean it, give me a chance to tell you all the ways I love you.

I love the way you look when you wake up. Groggy with messy hair and a weak smile.

I love the way you make it your first mission to pull me in closer when you first wake up, even if I am trying to leave the bed. 

I love the way you always take a break from homework to creep into bed just to say hi.

I love the way you hold me tight when I get stressed, instead of freaking out.

I love the way you are particular about your clothes, at least your t-shirts.

I love the way you smile when I'm wrong, but don't smile or laugh when I cry.

I love the way you work with me and have a large amount of patience with me.

I love the way you don't judge my morning breath or my snoring.

I love the way you snore, it's kind of cute.

I love the way you make me laugh, even if you don't have to say anything. Especially when you don't have to say anything.  

I love the way you make me smile, even if it's just because I got to see you.

I love the way you push me to be the best form of myself.

I love the way you improvise your food and drinks when you're working with your college budget.

I love the way you are driven by failure to achieve your success. 

I love the way you don't back down when threatened.

I love the way you do what you do, everything you do.

I just love you. I could write it in a million ways, scribbled on paper or written across the sky, yet the words could never compare to what I actually feel.

So when you don't reciprocate, I'm torn. 

I'm torn between feeling bad because you appear to not feel the same way and feeling happy because you have at least given me the pleasure to experience it.

I feel bad because it fulfills my fears of me being the one that loves more and fully. But I am the woman, I am supposed to feel this way, right? At least you didn't get weird and kick me out like you could have.

I feel amazing for letting it out because I am honest now. Fully honest, and I won't deny the fact that I love you because I cannot deny what I feel. I will not deny myself of such a simple pleasure as to be honest with another about your affections.

You can feel what you want. I won't push you. Just know that I love you regardless of your decisions and I hope that you, if not now then eventually, feel the same way.

I want you to be happy.