This Week

This week has gone by fairly quickly, to put it lightly anyhow. It has only gone by fast because I keep anticipating new things. This week it has been work, doctors appointments, dates, hangouts, and of course tomorrow is the Color Up 5K.
It is amazing how fast time will go if you are busy. I started off today with work, then I came home and researched different things I will need to know for my upcoming semester, and as I write this, I am preparing to go rock climbing.
Surprisingly, I am coming back to a place where my life makes sense.
I had a bit of a wake up call when I was told by my doctor that, while I am still healthy, I have lost weight since March and my blood pressure has dropped. To me, that is not healthy. I was healthy before and now I am headed in a bad direction. So instead of following through with my plan to get the perfect summer body, I am changing the plan to get the perfect healthy body, minus the perfect. I want to be fuller, skinny doesn't suit me. Instead of focusing on crazy goals, I want to focus on the things that make me happy. So excuse my craziness, but I want to try to be a happier, nicer person. That means that from here on out, I vow to not gossip, to not worry as much, and to do only the things that I enjoy. Also, I want to find good in every day. It is important to hold yourself to a standard that isn't ridiculous. You shouldn't want to be perfect, you should want to be happy and yourself.
I was really frustrated last weekend before I hung out with my boyfriend. I had found a bunch of things to be upset about and I had talked myself into believing that he doesn't like me and that I am just there to be his toy. I knew all of these things were untrue and that he actually does care about me, but I was just so upset already and I was bound to make my night horrible. That is until I began to realize that I was focusing so much on the 5% bad that I was forgetting the 95% good. So I composed myself, shook out all the negative thoughts and went out with him and our friends. I had a good time and I could actually see clearly that he cares for me. That was all I had wanted and I have the power to grant it to myself. We all have the power to grant happiness to ourselves. It isn't about what other people do, it is about how you react and deal with other people and yourself. A girl can come in and complain about my service, but I decide how to deal. I could help her, apologize, and do better next time or I could get cranky, irritable, and refuse to help anyone else that day. Clearly, I pick the first one each time just because that is what is professional. However, it applies to all things you do. I'm about to go rock climbing, I'm not great at it because I am afraid of heights so my hands get sweaty. However, I am going to do the best I can because I owe it to myself for paying money to go climb a wall with a bunch of fake rocks on the side. Also, because I can totally overcome my fear of heights. I'm going to be strapped in with a stupid harness and it isn't that far of a fall.
I guess what I am trying to say is that happiness really is a mindset. Therefore, I am changing my mindset because it isn't fun to be perpetually anxious or whatever. Sometimes you need to remember that only you can make yourself happy.